Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Astro Shite for October 2013

Aries
The Full Moon on 19 October stresses the balance between self and others. Inequality in close relationships needs addressing and undressing under this cycle. The Mercury-Jupiter link indicates uplifting and honest conversations with a brazen and animated Air type who looks good in scarves and red lipstick. You’ll be stalking that fop in Fcuk, thanks to the loopy Venus-Uranus combo. Holiday romances are possible after 7 October, so pack a thong and a bong for that trip to Hong Kong.

Aries Goddess: Athena

Taurus
Mercury retrogrades through your relationship zone from 20 October. Take a cosmic step back from your lover, especially if they’ve ordered quince aioli for lunch, and give them breathing space and mouth wash. Act on your passions under the Mars transit from 16 October by hooking up with a skank who brings out the animal in you like a cheap aftershave commercial. Too hot or what?

Taurus Goddess: Aphrodite

Gemini
Your hips and lower back transform into penetrating erogenous zones when Venus occupies your house of romance from 8 October. Peeps can’t get enough of your lascivious love handles, so share the lovin’ around. Mars whips your home in order from 16 October with a turbo-charged hand vac that doubles as a motor scooter. Cool. You’ll be shooting the shit with some fully-sick hip hop dudes under the Lunar Eclipse of 19 October in a desperate attempt to score street cred. Stick to accounting.
Gemini Goddess:
Saraswati

Cancer
The big lollapalooza concerning your domestic life this year is the Lunar Eclipse on 19 October. Observe how the private sphere influences the public domain and vice versa. Divide your time and energy equally by fixing healthy boundaries between work and home life. Embrace compartmentalisation. Contrary to commercial television, life isn’t a Yuppie vanity show. The reality for you, my Cancerian friend, is more Housos than Man Men.
Cancer Goddess: Ceres

Leo
Mars boosts your money house from 16 October. Take charge of your finances by demanding a pay rise in an uncompromising Damages kinda way. Pursue new income streams by exploring opportunities along The Silk Road. Your actions will have a direct effect on your economic position, so expect to spend time in Long Bay. You act like a fruit on synthetic drugs when Venus visits your recreational zone on 7 October. Unwind from the daily grind by impersonating a police officer. Why should Chopper Read have all the fun?
Leo Goddess: Hera


Virgo
Virgos will be busy bees from 16 October under the industrious Mars transit. As you have a knack for handling a variety of tasks simultaneously, you’ll take on numerous DIY projects and accomplish them proficiently. Expect ebbs and flows in your social circle from 20 October under the Mercury retrograde motion. Communication difficulties are likely, so shift your schedule according to who better fits your agenda. Entrepreneurial ideas have the opportunity to germinate under the New Moon of 5 October, so expand your sources of income and show the world that you’re not a Born Loser (what a great zine, I thoroughly recommend it).
Virgo Goddess: Vesta


Libra
Sometimes all you need is love. The John Lennon New Moon on 5 October symbolises the need for relationships based on peace, harmony, and soaking Mung beans. Uranus opposes this transit, prompting you to break free from tired and useless traditions and explore what’s right for you. Review your bank account for cyber fraud and other catastrophes from 20 October. A close friend reveals their true colours when they wipe off that high performance line-smoothing foundation under the Eclipse of 19 October. Gross. Mars activates your spirituality sector from 16 October. Avoid self-criticism; that’s Virgo’s job.
Libra Goddess: Themis

Scorpio
Mercury retrogrades in your sign from 20 October. Listen to the subtle messages from deep within your gut generated by last night’s meal consisting of green curry, a crate of Belgian beer, a block of Gouda, and a box of Choo-Choo bars. OMG! Get your fat arse moving on that sorry zine by 16 October if you want to avoid artistic obscurity. You’ll be in a gregarious and laidback mood now that the year is winding down. Put on your cape and go batman all the way to Christmas.

Scorpio Goddess: Durga

Sagittarius
With Venus occupying your sign from 8 October, you’ll be hankering to expand your range of experience through a significant other. Sombre nine-to-five types bore you now. Who cares about negative gearing and the price of eggs when there’s a world out there waiting to be explored with someone hot and willing? Mercury animates your mystery zone from 20 October. You ask life’s big questions: Who am I? What is my purpose? Do I have spinach on my teeth? Deep. The Lunar Eclipse of 19 October demands that you express yourself authentically. Emotions peak under this transit. Accept them as cues from your inner self to create more and dawdle less.  
Sagittarius Goddess: Epona

Capricorn
Lifetime learning, teaching, or writing ambitions need attention under the Mars transit of 16 October. If you have supressed these passions, now is the time to act on them. Keep your promises to your mates on 7 and 29 October when Mercury aligns with Saturn. Deepen your spiritual side through daily ritual practises from 7 October: zine-making in bed (horizontal); typewriting while standing in your bathroom (vertical); and note taking during painful episodes of The Bachelor (tilted).
Capricorn Goddess: Diana

Aquarius
Mercury retrogrades through your career zone from 20 October. Review how f^%*@d your job is, and make plans to progress to something less s@#t. You’re unlikely to see the truth about financial dealings between 18 and 21 October, when a convict in a bomber jacket spikes your Martini and pilfers your watch collection. Despite the tribulations, you’re more diplomatic than usual, thanks the Venus cycle on 7 October. Remaining slightly detached from the dramas of the month will keep you sane to say the least.

Aquarius Goddess: Lakshmi

Pisces
Mars in your relationship sector from 16 October demands that you take charge and make things happen on a romantic level. From 7 October, Venus offers you the opportunity to spit and polish your talents before promoting them to the world. The Eclipse across your money axis on 19 October helps rebalance income and expenses.  Review DIY projects under the Mercury retrograde from 20 October. Must you create that zine on performance air filters and intercoolers? Really?
Pisces Goddess:
Mary

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